Friday, September 24, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
What do I need to let go of
What do I need to allow in
I can't remember what I needed to allow in but for the what do I need to let go of, I got the Eight of Wands. It's a really nice card to have come up in a spread, it refers to lots of possibilities and opportunities and choices. Nice, of course, if you have time. Oh, and energy.
With our impending wedding (in October!), my business, the work Nadine and I are doing, writing, the other education-related bits of work I do each week, seeing friends, spending time with my fiance and everything else, I'm kind of at the limit of what I can physically do.
Like the card said, I'm having to let go of opportunities.
It is hard!
I like saying yes to things. I like that feeling of possibility, newness. Sometimes too, I must admit, pleasing others. These days, because I work for myself, saying yes is often related to additional income.
Also? The weddings are an outrageous expense thing? Not a myth.
But I've had to start saying no.
I'm having to really discern what is the best use of my time. I have to look after my energy. Noone gives me sick leave these days. I need to keep myself well, for a start. I can't afford to burn out.
I need to focus on what is most important, for me, and for us, at this time.
There is enough.
Enough time, enough money, enough energy.
Even when I say no, there is enough.
Wedding dress fittings, selecting ceremony music with our organist, buying shoes, organising and printing invites, choosing wedding bands, liaising with my bridesmaids and their dressmaker in South Australia about their dresses, booking honeymoon accommodation ... these are some of the things I've done in the past week.
It's all fun stuff, that we will never do again.
There's a lot more of it to go!
We are pretty decisive and clear, so the process has been easy and flowy.
There's just a lot of stuff.
But it doesn't have to be hard. It can be light, if I let it. If I let some of the other, less necessary stuff go. If I'm gentle with myself as I do it.
Understanding, compassionate, caring. To myself.
I am going to enjoy the next ten weeks.
And if that means letting some other opportunities fly on by in the meantime, so be it.
They'll be back.
Friday, July 23, 2010
When that happens I know I need to *pay attention* because there's something for me to learn and understand ... and sometimes to share with you.
There are several themes weaving their way through my practice at the moment but the one I want to talk about now is giving away your power.
What does giving away your power mean to you?
Do you have a sense of having power?
Does the word have a positive or negative feeling to you?
Most of us don't really think a lot about having power and what that means. And meanwhile give away our power all the time.
So what am I talking about here?
Giving away your power can be things like ...
- worrying about what other people think
- spending time with people who drain your energy or make you feel bad about yourself
- putting the needs of others before your own and then resenting it
- repeatedly putting yourself in situations that make you feel unhappy
- deciding you have no control over certain situations and feeling helpless
- letting your work take over your life and stop you looking after yourself
- thinking you have no choice but to feel a certain way because *insert reason*
- feeling like you need to explain or justify yourself to do what's best for you
Do you do any of these things?
Often the realisation we are giving away our power is powerful in itself.
We've often never even thought about it.
Why would I do that, we wonder, that will never work!
If you're doing one or more of these things, it might just be a matter of becoming aware ... and choosing differently in the future. It's often just a mental shift.
So, what might taking your power back mean?
It will be different for everyone ... these are the kinds of things that it has meant for clients lately. See if anything stands out for you:
Taking responsibility for how you feel within yourself. Making decisions that feel good for you. Doing your own thing and not worrying what others think. Putting your needs first so that when you do need to be there for others, you can feel good about it, rather than resentful.
Taking control of your attitude to your situation. Calmly standing your ground when people are aggressive or rude to you and realising it's probably to do with them and not you.
Spending time with people who support you ... and being supportive of yourself when this is not possible, for example, in a difficult work environment. Spending some time alone if you need it. Doing things that nurture you. Being gentle with yourself.
Choosing to love and accept yourself regardless of what's going on around you.
It has been interesting to see that once clients have worked on this ... the situation or the people around them don't necessarily change ... but their whole perspective does. When they come back for their next session and I ask how it's all going, there's a major shift.
"Oh I decided not to spend time with that person/those people for now, it just doesn't make me feel good"
"I've been more confident and clear at work and people seem to realise I mean it and everything is going more smoothly"
"I've just been focusing on what I need to do and I haven't even been thinking about what other people think"
"It hasn't really changed but it doesn't seem to bother me anymore, I feel in control"
It doesn't have to be hard
The interesting thing my clients have been saying is that when they take back their power, there is rarely the resistance from other people, work or whatever it was they imagined was holding them back.
When we shift, it all shifts.
Most of the time, there doesn't even seem to be comment, let alone the conflict or confrontation they may have initially feared. This is probably because some of the emotion has been defused. Taking back your power is not an act of anger or force. It doesn't have to be hard. It can be easy. Gentle.
It's a Sovereignty thing
“the spiritual quality of not giving a shit.”
“the state of not giving a damn what people think because you are the king or queen of your life.”
“being at home in your body and your life.”
“knowing that you are only responsible for your stuff, not for anyone else’s.”
What do power or sovereignty mean for you at the moment? Do share!
Image: by d3b...*
Sunday, July 18, 2010
There tends to be lots of discussions about future possibilities and it was about two years ago that a friend in my course told me she thought I'd teach yoga one day. This lady is very intuitive but on this point, I knew she was wrong.
First of all, I didn't want to. I wasn't even attending regular classes due to study induced busyness and exhaustion. And the prospect of devoting even more time and more money towards study was highly unappealing.
"You won't have to study yoga teaching," she told me.
Ha, well that was ridiculous. Everyone knows that if you want to teach yoga you need to do a yoga teacher training course.
In any case, teaching was the last thing from my mind. I had just left primary teaching behind me, thank you very much. The thought of teaching anything again made me feel quite anxious. Although I'd quite liked teaching and knew I was quite good at it, I was completely over it. So many people to please, so much work to do, so much structure, always feeling guilty because I should be doing more, more, more.
"It will start in February."
Despite my resistance, the friend kept bringing it up. She started to mention workshops.
"They'll start out small but they'll get much bigger."
I doubted it. I couldn't imagine it and also, I didn't want to imagine it. What would I even run a workshop on? I had no idea.
Even though my job at the education dept involved me giving regular presentations to teachers, I didn't love public speaking. I'm naturally fairly shy and I was NOT looking to do more of it, especially not by choice. Really, it's not what I want to do, I assured her.
Also, stop bringing it up, I know it's not going to happen, can we talk about something else?
"They want you to know it will be easy. It will be different. You'll just know what to say. It will be fun. You'll feel like you do when you write on your blog."
Oh. I still doubted it were possible. But if it felt like that, it might be ok.
Of course, I probably needed all these hints along the way. Opportunities to look at my fears so that later, I might be ready. Reassurances that it might actually be enjoyable, if I chose to go down that path. If I hadn't needed these pieces of information, my friend probably never would have offered them.
We get the help we need.
You might imagine that when I met Nadine, about a year ago, that all the pieces quickly fell into place. You'd be wrong. Take this conversation that we had about our respective futures:
Kerry: Of course I love my Kinesiology so I'll be doing that. I might do some more yoga one day and who knows, maybe some workshops and writing but I don't know what about.
Nadine: Well I love my yoga so I'll be doing that. I'll definitely do some more writing and probably bigger workshops and retreats but I don't know what about.
Gosh girls, I hope you can figure it out!
So this year I finally made it to my first yoga class with Nadine - in February, when else?? After the class we went for coffee at Brother Buba Budan.
"Maybe we should do a workshop together on yoga and Kinesiology?" I suggested. We rang the Hub and booked it in, for July.
And so it began.
Monday, July 12, 2010
There was much anticipation and we got lovely feedback on the day and since. Nadine is processing too.
Powerful doesn't begin to describe it.
We work on different levels, the two of us, with our yoga and Kinesiology. But we are realising the words are the same. Words that can explain what we see and what we feel and what we know.
And as we go, we are finding the words to express the ways we work with and understand emotions and feelings and the process of change.
Luckily we work in tandem. "Nadine, I can't find my words," I will say. "Don't worry," she will tell me, "I have mine today." And then, it switches.
As we began to write the notes for our workshop, I kept seeing a quote. I didn't know the source but I'd seen it many places and it kept flashing up. I must write that down, I thought, I must remember to put that in. I got home and opened the notes that Nadine had started.
'Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come most alive, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.’ Howard Thurman
When we read through the notes now, we can't quite remember who wrote what. Our words, our ways of understanding this work are beginning to merge. And still changing.
Words that can articulate and explain the energies we work with and feel. Words that give us all permission to be fallible. Words that encourage exploration, that help you to remember what you know.
To really own all that you are.
The light and the dark, the awareness and the ignorance. To acknowledge and accept and love yourself exactly where you are. And from that point, to make choices.
We have had to do all this ourselves to create the work. Of course running the workshop itself brought up an even deeper layer of that. We feel raw too, slightly exposed. But grateful. And proud of ourselves too.
For having the courage to trust and be open to creating something that is new, to us. For being scared at times, and unsure. And then gently moving into and through our fears ... into the unknown.
And now after the workshop, there is the sense of a void.
Integration time, we'll call it.
And then, the beginnings of a trickle. The mind and the body and the heart start to re-wire themselves with their new awareness and understanding.
As we keep being reminded as we do this work: It doesn’t have to be hard. It can be easy. Simple.
If you let it.
And just like that, the words return.
Image: by Pink Sherbet Photography